Practicing Grace

If it were easy, everyone would be doing it!

Responding to tough personalities and tough situations with GRACE takes practice. Mastery of anything takes determination, knowledge, and conditioning! 

Excerpt From Trolls Bullies and YOU!

"Fantasies Are Temporary"

copyright: Toni Lynn Chinoy, 2012
But what a great diversion!

Most of us delude ourselves from time to time. Some of us do it a lot.

Why? Because when we encounter those issues which are the most aggravating, we often begin to create mental pictures of the situation resolving itself. It is so much easier than being responsible for fixing the problem.

How creative you are may determine the extent of your fantasies (or the extent of your fear in dealing with reality). For example, if you have images of your enemy having an auto accident, you are probably a little delusional! If you imagine that someone in authority will simply step in and remove the person because suddenly others see what you have seen all along, it may give you temporary comfort.

If you find yourself against the wall in some project or business cycle, and you find yourself fantasizing about a highly successful run with no obstacles, enjoy the fantasy.

If you are perfecting a vision of the savior who is coming to you with the perfect job or escape from the situation, be suspicious! The perfect escape may not measure up when and if you do, in fact, get it.

Unfortunately enemies and obstacles are unlikely to go away unless you learn your lesson. You may change the circumstance and yet recreate the issues in your next scenario. Sadly, this is more common than a clean sweep.

There is a reason for this. Our biggest challenges are meant to be challenges. We are required in some classroom with no walls and desks to figure our way through these individuals and situations which have become our nemesis. The fantasies offer temporary relief but they are not a solution.

Your most important mental state is one of confrontation with yourself. What are you doing to create the problem in the first place? What do you need to learn that you are not seeing? How does this person or situation reflect a hidden part of yourself that you are not looking at? How is the person like you in some way you would hate to admit? OUCH!

Accept the other person as a symbol of an issue for you. Fantasize no more, unless of course you would like to stay stuck.

Examine your fantasies carefully. How are they indicative of what you are avoiding? Are you looking for someone else to save you? Are you looking for a set of circumstances that are perfect? In what way?

If you know that you have escaped futilely into fantasy in the past, here are some hints:

1. Look at the issues again without the fantasy of a savior or saving situation.
2. If you are the only one who could resolve this situation, what would it call for from you?
3. Are you afraid of doing what would need to be done? Your fear is probably why you slipped into fantasy in the first place.
4. Are you afraid of the other person‟s reaction if you do take action on behalf of your own needs? If so, ask yourself if perhaps the other person too needs to learn some lessons and that by avoiding his or her reaction your are protecting them from something he or she needs to learn?
5. Can you ignore the emotional response you expect from the other person and simply focus on the essence of what needs to happen and why?
6. Let the other person be responsible for his or her own response. Stay focused on what you need in your life and perhaps how this person may be denying you your destiny.
7. You will no longer need your fantasies if you begin to work through the reasons you are creating them and what it is you are trying to avoid.


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"Practicing Grace is a completely different way of looking at situations that, when practiced well, is like your own secret weapon!"

Susan Schmitt, Senior VP Human Resource, Rockwell Automation

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